IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I WROTE ,BUT I GUESS I WAS JUST TOO DEPRESSED AND JUST SO SAD.ITS BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE RONS SHOW WAS CANCELED ,AND I CAN REMEMBER HOW SAD I WAS AND HOW I MISSED IT SO MUCH,BACK THEN,I NEVER REALIZED HOW SO DAMN DEPENDENDENT I WAS ON RON AND RYAN AND JASON. AND WHEN RON LEFT ,HE WOULD EMAIL ,NOT THAT FREQUENT,BUT HE EMAILED ME. JASON REALLY DIDNT EMAIL MUCH AND RYAN DID SO SPORADICALLY,MOSTLY WHENEVR HE FELT THE NEED,BUT,NOW I REALIZE THAT I DIDNT MUCH TO ANY OF THEM.ESPECIALLY TO RON,IN FACT ,LAST EMAILRON SENT ,HE MENTION THINGS DO CHANGE, AND ,NOW ,I KINDA THINKM THEY ALLUSED ME BECAUSE I WAS ONE OF THEIR MOST DEVOTED FANS ,WHO NEVER MISSED A SHOW.
RYAN,WAS ALLK ABOUT HIMSELF,BUT ,I THINK AT ONE TIME HE KINDA THOUGHT OF ME AS A
BUDDY, BUT AT TIMES ALL HE CARED ABOUT WAS HIS MUSIC HIS PICTURES ETC,AND ,YET,WHENI WOULD ASK FOR HIS ADVICE,IT WAS LIKE FUCK YOU,BUT,I HAD DEVOLOPED SUCH A DEPENDENCY ON HIM, SPITE HIS HUGE EGO,I LOVED HIS SMILE,HIS LAUGH ,HIS DRY SENSE OF HUMOR,I
THINK IT WAS HIS YOUTH.
BUT,I THINK,LOOSING RON FREINDSHIP HURTS THE MOST,CAUSE HE ALWAYS STATED HOW MUCH HE LOVED HIS FANS. IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF CRAP.IT HURTS ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU TRUST PEOPLE.BELIEVE PEOPLE.AT LEAST,WITH RYAN HE WAS HONEST,HE SAID I JUST WASNT
A GOOD FREIND,AT THE TIME IT REALLY HURT AND IT STILL DOES ,
BUT THESE THREE GUYS ,I THOUGHT WERE SO WONDERFUL ,THEY WERE FUNNY AND THEY MADE ME LAUGH AND SMILE,AND ,I FELT SO MUCH AT EASE TO TELL THEM MY STORY,ABOUT THE HURRICANE AND ABOUT MY DAD AND ABOUT MY SUICICDAL IDEATIONS,
RYAN JUST GOT TO THE POINT THAT HE CHOSE WHAT HE WANTED TO RESPOND TO
AND SOON....HE JUST SAID FUCK IT FUCK ME AND ASKED ME NOT TO CALLOR EMAILHIM.
I WAS SOSOSOS SAD. UNBELIEVABLE Y SAD,HOW COULD HE DO THIS AND HOW CAN I GO WITHOUT EMAILING HIM .BUT SOON I GREW TO REALLY DESPISE HIM..HE JUST TREATED ME LIKE CRAP
AND ...NOW ....I STILLLOVE HIM ..BUT HATE HIM DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?