WOW FEELING INTENSELY NERVOUS.no one gets it,no one understands,you are alone .
isolated,in your own world.your "stuck" in your own hell.the pain ,the fear,shame.guilt ,anger,hurt,all rolled into one huge ball of emotions.and
you just do not know where to turn.It consumes your mind,your body and its
so damn crippling.freinds are almost non existance,not only does this illness
effect you ,but it effects everyone around you.Its sad but true,and you get
so fricken sad.so sad.You yearn for someone to hold you,comfort you,a shoulder to cry on ,and you just need someone to care,and just take away the hurt,And ,damn
it hurts,its frightening ,this feeling.Your body feels like it is working overtime,your mind always turning,reving up,
but is it fair to expect your freinds to to put up with all your peculiar
behaviors? WE,are so ,so misunderstood,no ,we are not stalkers,we are,"sick"
people.All I want is someone to understand me,to accept me ,for me,with allmy faults
and to accept my illness .
wow,I cant tell you the endless days and nites of tears,the pain is unbearable

sadness

ok its me again,there is so much pain,i am feeling now.ITS so hard to explain,
ocd is such a difficult illness to understand and tolerate.PEOPLE just get hung up on certain rituals,certain behaviors,and they just cant stop,you try ,you try,to stop,its panick,anxiety,sheer pain,your mind is playing that same tape over and over,
your body shakes ,feel jittery,,,,struggle ....want to stop,,,no i will not do it again,,you try minutes seems like hours and it just just cant be done.
and..everyone thinks how peculiar and odd and strange you are.At times people call you "a child" WHY? my ocd with many different issues and its always changes.
FRom,calling and calling about bills and stuff,to keep checking things around the house to presently checking and emailing guide,Its so crippling ,its just so crippling.But ,I ,struggle i struggle ,to stop,but ,its ,i like to compare it
too being possessed.
No one can never trully understand the pain you go thru.ocd is just like any other illness.diabetes,high blood pressure,etc ,but somehow,everyone treats it
like its something people can control. Ocd is not that easy to "get rid of"/
and no guide, I hate it when you say your acting like a child when,i kept on emailing you.Get it ,its an illness.And ,yes,I do realise,how,it can be nerve racking
and intensely,irratating.
At times,I just sit,and shake inside ,freak out, wanting to email and...
its so hard.
ok guide tha ts it,

sues story

ok me its sues story.after all that happen both in my childhood and in my adulthood.
thru all the traumas and endless events that happened in my life from job losses,lost of friend ,suicdes,parents death, hurricanes,son dx with a mental illness.me in the hospital twice for depression...thru allthis I HAVE SURVIVED.
THAT IS SOMETHING i THOUGHT I WOULD AEVER SAY.but,thru the grace of GOD,thru the help of racheland dr glade and meds and friends family and the belief in the secret
I am healing.I try to live for the day and not for the future. And no.I still have many bad days,depressed days ,days when i dont get out of bed,or nites when the nite terrors are horrble,or flashbacks or numbing or dissociation. YES,but the
difference is ,I understand what is going on,I breathe,I go outside ,i listen to music.coping techniques. thats what is important,I still have trust issues,I stillhave guilt about hating my dad and as i say "ratting "him out.And its hard to dealwith the emotions.its hard to trust,its a hard road to recovery .to healing,but I know now that it will be better,and i know i can handle it one day at a time one hr a time
But the darkness is gone and the light is shining bright,I am not in a fog.
and I know there is much work to accomplish,but I AM WAY BETTER THAN 3 yrs ago.
i am trying to get rid of my guilt of hating my dad and telling my story of abuse at the hands of both my dad and mom. All of that crap my dads crap is allabout my dad
it is his problem he made it.I broke the chain of abuse,and so could have my dad and mom.I realize that many of my problems are from my past but that is the past.
and now i cant use that as an excuse .now i can change things