wow ...so much to say ..where do i begin? Well,I am no longer communicating with ryan
and jason,Long story short ..I put too much crap on ryans shoulder,I was always sad and
depressed and suicidal and obsessive and compulsive and ,,i just needed to vent just vent about everything my dads abuse the katrinia my sons jeremys dx with depression/compulsivesive .obsessive disorder on top of burning his hand witha firecracker at new years.and 6 weekd stay ay a hospital for pschytic episodes
amonst given loosing his jobs,
i tol jason i was so upset and freaking out cause i had too much on my plate
well,good old jason said i had a pity party,Get real I said,do you have kids no
do ya have depression no did ya loose ya parents or lost your home or your job
or loose all your friends ,one to suicide?
I have so much anger inside me.....pity party? then.ryan never answers his emails
unless hes involved in it.he never said hes sorry about my son sorry that my depression is reaching the dangerous dark eep lvel i even felt suicidal
i he didnt even bother to ask about jeremy kevin or me
he then got so so pisssed at me cause i was setting him a guilt trip
ok...all i need is a friend to understan me
bottomline he has asked me not to send emails or phone him at the office

i got so so so hurt ,,and I realized i admitted it to myself i am in love with ryan ...and not hearing from me was so painfl

why why why? they dont get it a pity party well els mary they have helped me a lot

it hurts so much ..i miss ryan why and how it happened ..i dont know but it did
i have emailed ryan my feelings for him but...no reply gets hes freaking out
either way.i miss him and it hurts and yes love stinks hahah
cant believe i told ryan,but i thought he needed to know

hopefully the pain will ease up i dont regret loving him or telling him i just regret loosing my frienship over this omg omg ,,at times how i cant live like this

ryan i do sincerly love you

all the best to them you will always have a special place in my heart