its i am so sad,,the one person you dedicated your blog too..is no longer ,,,there for you.oh dear ryan hill ,why how id things go so wrong? it was cool it was excitciting it was the youth that sparked me held me captive his fresh ideas his excitement for life his joy for beauty and i thought people
he had me so captivated that...i was ...so so into him..his smile his laugh his voice his joy for life his dry humor...and i guess i thought he really enjoyed knowing me ,,,but now I guess this is what
I wanted to believe ...this is what I embellished in my mind...and,,,I got so so so caught up into ryann he was my new obsession,,,,i demanded he respond to all my emails i wanted him to fix things wanted him to hold me hug me make it go away and it got so so so huge i got hurt my thoughts got so distorted,,,i thought i thought he hated ne just like every one else
my god ...i ....i am so into him his smile his voice oh god...i cant let it go i cant let it go
its hard its hard to say goodbye ....i guess its this damn illness but i destroyed it i destroyed
the freindship we had omg ryan hill....you touched my heart my soul my spirit....and i will you will always have a special place in my heart for you...i didnt mean it i swear i didnt mean to hurt you
ryan hill.....thanks for those moments when you made me smile when you made me laugh
when you gave me that song crosses ...i play that song so many times
i have cried buckets buckets when will it end why did i have to be so stupid ,,,so stupid
......i i just feel so guility so ashamed ,,,, i often just want to die\
and and and i often think that ryan would never miss me he wouldnt
omg ....i must go

sorry ryan ryan ryan.......all the best to you my dear dear sweet love