yes its xmas and I am kinda getting into the xmas spirit,but ,somehow ,i am wishing and hoping and praying,that ryan hill will forgive me and come back around,but,I know ,in reality,it will not happen. And,I am just so sad about that, I dont know why he has gotten under my skin? I mean there is jason,who,threatened me that if I email him,
he will send a virus a ruin my computer,nice eh? but ,not hearing from does not bother me at all.he always acted really mean with me about certain things,the one thing he told me,that made me so angry is ,that he didnt want to hear my pity party
stuff.Like WTF? ITOLD HIM. well,he just blew up after that. but you know what,I
said what i felt in my heart and Imnver kissed uo to him. guess thats why i dont get upset,But ,with ryan,I felt a closeness,a friendship,a trust and when ryan freaked out about my suicidal thoughts it was like WTF?
And since then ,we havent talked.i continue to email him and i even got his cell phone number on the net and called him,but chickened out and said nothing,
well,ryan lost it then, he has blocked me fron his tweets and his one website.
i just cant get him off my mind,i miss him,and I am not quite sure if I love him ,you know love him? I am so damn confused. my world seems so topsy turvy.
my trauma from my dad and the hurricane is bad. i know that i am obsessed with him.
rachel says that this is abuse to ryan,like OMG ,i guess it isI would get angry
if someone constantly sends emails.
but all i know is i miss ryan,i love him,and i miss his witand laughter and smile.
and I was emailing this person elles and we would talk about ryan and ron and jason
and how we wanted to have sex with them. i hadnt heard from elles since all this crap started with ryan and i am wondering if elles was not who she said she was
and what i wrote wastold to ryan
well enough said, i am getting said....damn ryan hill i miss ya