wow had a bad nite and a bad day today.Thought all those damn flashbacks were over,or at least
not as frequent.Last nite at group,i started talking about the hurricane and I was like zoning out;
I get really defensive and i start shouting .It is just so terrifying.I see myself back in the hospital the wind howling patients screaming the building shaking and me huddling in a corner rocking back and forth. Fear ,fear,of DYING,It was so real so damn vivid,the smells the sounds OMG
it was HORRIFIC.Is my house still there ,my family does not know I am ok.cell phones are not working....
I let my patients down...i stand numb..i cant move,,i cant go no more the smells of poor sanitation,toilets overflowing ,not water ,not cool air,stench stench stench,aghhhh;
its so damn hot and the heat is making the stench worse.i am on duty ..but i cant physically go on
and my coworkers tell you gotta work.and sometimes we work long hours and i cant do it
patients die from heat exuasthion ,I ..cant go on i cant
Why ?why ?why? i am in this situation.Why GOD why ?I AM GUILTY ASHAME AND FURIOUS !!!!
I still get anxious at thunderstorms and street flooding.I get upset at the smell of
stench smelling bathrooms. the wind the rain
I am not the person I once was.I have changed i cant go near a hospital.
i just have to take a day at a time
nawl
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