a new year

Well, xmas and new years has past,and we are into another year.And its almost
been four years since katrina.And ,I really thought,I would be over that hold she
had on me,,,but no ,its still there,it is deep in my mind and still effects every
bit of my soul and spirit.
The rain.the winds,the stench of garbage,floods,hospitals etc,The flashbacks are
not as frequent,but,i still get them.I stll cant explain why God would have
let all this horribe stuff hurt his people.I am still struggling with that.
I often dream about the hurricane and me working in the hospital,and also ,dream about
me working after,it,Here I am in the hospital,and I am so conboggulated.I walk
around the hospital confused.Its just sopainful,so much guilt ,we coulnt help them
the patients ,we couldnt ease thier fear or their pain.
I am always on guard ,still get,panicky in crowds.Somet imes I just want to be alone. no one really knows how you fee lAnd ,after so many panis attacks and s
omany talks with your pals,they get tired of it,Then I get furious with them.
but ,,its hard on every one involved,listening tome takes a toll on them and yourself.
At times,you think its much easier to die.then their wouldbe nomore pain for your pals or you.Wow,why why why? why did it have to happen,wow I am in my pity mode,
i just want this year to be better.All I can dois take one step at a time.


peace out